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Question: I wonder if you can help me. I am a 28 Muslim girl whose found a man who is a few months older then me who wishes to marry me and I wish to marry him in the name of Allah (SWT). He has come to ask for my hand and my parents have agreed. However, his parents is against the marriage purely for the fact I am too old, even though i am younger then him, and i am not his parents type or culture even though we both love each other. We have tried persuading his parents, and even tried to break up but this has affected not only our personal but our work lives and our feelings are too strong, so we want to make this halaal by getting married. We have only know each other 3 months but have done the Istikharah Salah and feel even stronger about each other and we know to not cause further sins we want to conduct ourselves in a Islamic married state. Therefore, if we get married are we causing sin even though we are of sane mind and my parents agree, because we are going against his father who does not agree based on cultural differences which do not exist in Islam?

There is nothing wrong with him in marrying you. Differences in age between both of you should never prove to be a barrier so long both of you have determined you are compatible and so long as your parents have agreed to it. The Prophet, peace be upon him, married Khadijah who was fifteen years senior to him.

If his father is objecting for valid religious reasons then they have a right to do so, but mere cultural or ethnic considerations should not be cited as extremely decisive in rejecting a marriage proposal so long as both of you have higher Islamic consciousness.

The Prophet, peace be upon him, says: “If a person of good religion and character approaches for marriage marry him; otherwise, there would be sedition and widespread corruption in the land.”

Having said this, however, I must point out the following: If the parents feel that both of you don’t have a high level of Islamic consciousness, and hence the cultural differences separating both of you may later act up and prove to be a sour point in your relations, then they have a genuine and valid concern. Therefore, you should consider this issue carefully and make up your mind that such factors will never prove to be a sour point in your relations later. As believers it is our duty to enter into marriage after having weighed all factors that may help forge a lasting relationship rather than merely getting carried away by looks or appearances.

The above point notwithstanding, his parent’s refusal to give permission does not in any way render the marriage invalid. Marriage shall still be deemed as valid so long as it has been solemnized in accordance with all the stated requirements.

So if you do decide to get married in spite of the objections of his parents, both of you still owe it to them to mend your relations with them as soon as possible. You can play a major role in this by going out of your way to be good to them and encouraging him to do so; for we cannot afford to earn the displeasure of our parents.

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